Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
