I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
