i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
