Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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