Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
