This dress was meant to end up on your floor
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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