Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
