just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
