I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
