New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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