Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
