Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
