stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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