How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
