If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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