i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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