If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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