If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
