remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
