i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
