At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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