hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
