You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
