theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
