You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
