god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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