You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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