just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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