I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hippo gnu deer
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
