If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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