i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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