I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
