oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
