i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You pole danced in your parka.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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