I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Are we still banned from the library?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
