You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
