after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
