I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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