After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
