I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
