I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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