my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
