i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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