Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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