All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
