you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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