Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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