the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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