we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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