Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think i have herpe
just one?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
