just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
