so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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