Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
