finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
