So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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