I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
