We're facebook friends in real life
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
