she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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