Where did you get a picture of my penis
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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