it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
