please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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