what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
