Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
