i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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