How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Still dying that you shit outside
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
