They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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