omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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