woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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