you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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