my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
