I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
