Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
