I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
