Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
