It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
