So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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