We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My penis needs a shock collar
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
