At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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